Nice to meet you!
Nineteen years old.
Suburbs of Chicago.
Sophomore at LUC.
zomgggggggg, fangirllllll to the maxxxxxxxxxx!
lol jk, but kinda a little bit :P he’s my best frandddd
It’s hard to believe that we had known each other for years, and throughout those years, we built not only a strong friendship, but a relationship as well. We’ve watched each other grow throughout those years, our little sayings and habits rubbing off on each other, showing how close we really got. Every day, I thought of you. The littlest things would remind me of you, from something a friend would say, to random facts that people would bring up to me throughout the day; these all lead back to one of the most important things in my life: you. I know things happen, people change and life goes on, but I guess I took you for granted in the way that I thought you’d always be here for me. When I was upset, you’d always find a way to make me feel better. When I was happy, you were sure to say cute things that would keep me smiling for hours at a time. We’d stay up late talking on the phone into the late hours of the night, talking about anything and everything. I remember giving you mini quizzes about random little facts about me, and through those quizzes, we’d learn things about each other that neither of us would have ever known without playing 20-Questions.
But I guess I got predictable. I guess I got boring. I guess I got annoying. I guess you finally figured out that I’m not as great as you thought I was for so long. I guess you found someone better. I know I’m not perfect, and I would always remind you that, but I remember you constantly reminding me that I was, despite my arguing against you, you’d continue to say it. You’re stubborn. Hard-headed. You hold grudges and purposely wouldn’t talk to me when you were upset. You’d do wreck less things, things that I didn’t approve of at first when we first started our friendship. But you changed. You changed for me because you realized how much I care about you and that I just wanted you to stay safe. But on the other hand, you were so sweet to me. You made me feel like I was the luckiest girl in the world. You knew how to make me smile and laugh, and I’d always get butterflies when you’d send me your favorite song or sing me a song of my choice when I’d ask you to.
I know we went through a lot of bad events throughout our relationship too, though. One thing that I guessed was the final straw for you, even though it happened was the event from oh so many months ago. I thought it was one of those things where you “forgive and forget”, but I guess not. Or maybe you just got sick of me finally. I honestly don’t know what happened, but I guess that’s what forced you to finally let go of me. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for you, and that you finally found a better girl than me. I just kind of wished that it could have been smoother, that you didn’t have to rip it off like a bandaid and leave me in the dust. I wish I mattered to you. But like I said I hope you’re happy with your decision, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t be enough for you. I know things are different, and that they’re hard for you right now, I just wish that there was something to show of our few years that we’ve known each other. I genuinely hope you the best in life, and if you’re reading this, no, I don’t hate you. I just wished things could have ended differently, and we could at least stay friends. But I guess that’s life. It sucks, we move on eventually, and then we all die.
I’ll just go mope some more now. Sorry for being a burden on your life.
I’m so done with people right now.
Idk if its just me being super moody right now… Of if everyone is just being so fucking annoying, but literally, I’m not you, I don’t get away with the things that you do, you have it so fucking easy, you don’t even know.
Oh, what I would do to be anyone other than me right now…
"It was such a weird thing how a breakup stretched much wider than you expected. You didn’t just lose a person, but their entire world as well."
- “The Moon and More” by: Sarah Dessen
Honestly, can I just do something RIGHT for once?
When someone tells me “oh! I have to tell you something!…but I can’t tell you right now! So I’ll tell you later!”
My goodness, I think I’d rather not know about it and be surprised later than know that something’s up.. And die of curiosity until the person decides to tell me. Asdfghjkl; seriously… :(
I guess to me, the only thing worse than having someone only love you half the time… Is not having anyone love you at all.
I mean, I want to have hope for myself, but life is just sucky.. It’s making it really hard to believe in anything or anyone nowadays.
ugh, first day of school tomorrow.
sister’s being rushed off to CDH cuz she has chest pain.
dad’s at the shop so i have to stay up and see if he needs to get picked up.
idk how i’m gonna wake up at 6 am…
ughhhhhhh. i need sleep.. -_____-
so tired. but must stay awake to help the family out.
ohh buddha, i guess i’ll just have to suffer through tomorrow when i help out the freshmen. grr.
You used to want to talk to me every day…what happened? :/
Maybe I’m just too boring now.. Or maybe you have better things to do than to talk to me. I guess I should understand, right? I just miss you a lot though.
I need to learn how to let go of the past and realize that people come and go in life. I need to be strong and not annoy you. Okay, that’s my goal.
Of dying alone. That one day, I’ll pass out on the ground in my home or something and no one will be there to call for help.. Or even know that I need help.
And what if no one cares about me enough to periodically check up on me and I’m left laying there on the ground for like 10 years?
Dang, depressing.. And gross. :o